why dont we for once, say what we want?
over my 2023 i commited myself to try so many things that i never experience before, look every positive opportunity that the world gave me, started to realize that everything was never mean to be, and joined the noise room in quite heart.since everyone talking about year wraped on social media, but i let my write goes here. so, here several lesson that gave me learn 1001 things i never saw before!
- scare of getting sicks
getting sick is always had misserable memories for me. growth as a person who got serious illnes since little kids, thaught me the pain and feel to survive for it. but this time, always feel bitter, even more bitter.
“its probably your warn for your life, that probably only you who can endure and finish with the pain itself”
when collage came, i almost got sick with the random problem and it almost made me sucks to do it all alone. sometimes, the feeling lonely of getting sick it still made me wonder. unexpectedly feel sucks when i admit it. but behind the reason of that, i learned a lot about myself. how my body was, what kind of food that give a safe place for my stomatch and all of it.
2. Let the opened door open
i let this sentence comeback again after joined my morning monday gloomy. this was my conversation with my part of life decission maker, while we talk about how excited the past. but in reality, we must let the opened door open. once i think everything that set on my mind and well-planned in my note, made it perfect. but not at all. sometimes, it guide you of “flow life” when everything made their own now. started struggle with the friends i thought we can commit with, but God says in the different ways. and i let it be what mean to be. because on this, made me realize that i can have a lot of friends out there who can share my laugh with. and i did it, when everyday i just confused either will be pass or not. making new friends with your beyond sorrounding made me realize another excited about myself while talking with them.
3. KKN team
hence my life couldnot done yet with the friendship around me, probably my KKN team mates made my life back again. grateful for myfriend to ask me get in. every saturday and sunday in four weeks hectic about the team project and home carpool karaoke, sound to made me joy and ready to rock with the weekdays come. then, carpool karaoke is one of my list in getting friendship, but God made it that time with new friends that made me more twice enjoy without feeling any suck or tired with the whole schedule. singing niki’s every summer time and take a chance with me also found me with the word “why dont we for once,say what we want?” that realize me the bad things i did in the past because i cant say the word “no” in every situation. realize that i lost my self boundaries that made me feel anger for everyone who mess up with my list. that year, i commited myself to just let it pour talk what’s wrong in my head than to keep it. at fist i was so scared of getting this, but one per one, i feel free for just talking the truth and know exactly what kind of persona my friends had. i hope more years come, i can do it more straightforward again.
4. mindfull trips
solo travel and hike was my bucket list for all the times. i can say, i succed commited myself joined two days solo bandung trips that now made my mental health become more clear and gentle. maybe it because my final closure about the lossing my dream campus? hahaha, take it a joke. but now, i’ll say already satisfied with everything around me today. also Bandung is always been my favorite place in my heart with the cold wheater and peacefull memory. through this trip, i am gratefull for joined semester break reflection with Falia for whathappend in us during the past six month. and fortunately, we had some problem about the organization we get in and people around us that far in our expectation. gratefull Falia and I realize be the person who eager to “learn” was a privilege. also during this, i says more gratefull than expected to be. remember my olf friends always want me to grow and excited about the new things i talk about when they can see me now as a loser, but they still responded my chat and hear about the problem i had. i really wish my old friends (you know who you are) always be eachother reminder while we rock the world!. between my favorite conversation, explore the new place realize me like found the new warm home again that let me to get in.
at the end, every new year my wish is same. may everything get easier, another of new things come that made me grow be a better version, finish my 4th year collage faster, and full of happines it self. cheers to another rock and wonderful trips in 2024!
